The main reason I changed my view from an Arminian to the Reformed perspective was the challenge to the free-will assumption. It was a very theologically disruptive time for me as I became convinced that my view of man’s free-will was not Scripturally sound. However, this meant I had to accept the unthinkable: that God had not given most people even the opportunity to find eternal life. I was to accept that God had pre-determined who was going to heaven and who was going to be separated from Him forever.
But at this time, with reservations, I embraced the sovereignty aspect gladly. I was tired. Tired of salvation being in my hands– that of my own and that of others. It took a LOT of pressure off. God became so huge in my mind and I knew this had to be right for it placed God in control, not man. This was confirmed over and over again in the Scriptures.
But along with this expansive view of God and His sovereignty came a “dark side.” It’s the part I would assume all people converting over to Calvinism choke on but finally acquiesce to: that God throughout history only chose a few to be blessed with salvation. Some try and keep a remnant of their gracious God and say He still died for the whole world (the “4 pointers” of some of the neo-Calvinists) but this is extremely inconsistent and causes additional problems of “cognitive dissonance” (are those in hell redeemed? are they forgiven? was Jesus’ blood wasted or ineffectual?)
So finally comes an acceptance stage. I believe it is because the sovereignty of God is so undeniably supported by Scripture and because it is such a necessary element of a healthy world view that we swallow the bones so to speak. So I loved knowing that God was in charge and that He wasn’t broadsided by anything and that the devil wasn’t going to “steal His children from Him.” But yes, I hated the fact that most of humanity were born for eternal torment. That had to be buried and buried deep. I tried the Piper argument of “don’t think of it as who’s being lost it’s the wonder of the grace of God that He saves even one!” But I did not ask to be born and take on human emotions and sensations in order to be locked into a fallen state that guaranteed a sentence of eternal conscious torment. This is something that cannot be reckoned with even by the natural man’s God-given conscience and sense of morality (Rom 1); all the more by the new nature given to the redeemed whereby His laws are said to be written on our hearts!
Furthermore as much as we try and claim we believe it is part of the Good News of the gospel we do not publicize it but rather hide it. In fact we are embarrassed by it. We water it down and are evasive when asked. (See Mark Driscoll’s response on Nightline when asked about his Calvinism: http://youtu.be/9oyHtsU5z9U) We sound like instant Arminians when we are presenting the gospel. We know instinctively Piper’s gospel just doesn’t work well, at all, on the field. So we align with our fellow Calvinists at church and at conferences but we evangelize like bald-faced Arminians. I am not criticizing this for I deeply understand. I am just presenting the inconsistency that is exposing the need for us to take a look at the doctrine informing this behavior.
Next: Thoughts on “Free-Will” Part Two
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